Meet my dysfunctional Wookie family. Series

Welcome to the most disturbing and dysfunctional Wookie family you'll ever meet. Yes, I said Wookie. Let me tell you a bit about my family.

My name is Eunice. I was married to my 3rd cousin Egbert and we have 5 wookie kids all in their 20's. A set of triplet girls and 2 boys. My beloved husband was lost at sea while deep-sea fishing somewhere around the Galápagos islands. I moved in with my twin brother Abner and his very unusual 4 boys. They are also in their 20's. (We always breed at the same time.) 2 set's of twins. One set was conjoined but I'll get into that another time. 

My twin brother Abner aka Rocky Rock hard "brainiac big balls". He suffers from  Tourette's syndrome. Which tends to be a problem most of the time. When we were little I actually thought that my full name was Eunice, bitch, slut, rot-crotch. How was I supposed to know? Abner was once a traveling salesman. He sold feminine hygiene products door to door and sold homemade chocolate on the side. He ate most of the inventory. He always did like to chew on his dirty cotton underwear. He became a little obsessed with the absorbent material that soaked up his  drool from chewing on the feminine napkins. He now has a little hobby. He's a uber driver for the bingo club on Wednesday's. But I never pay him. He's a sucky driver.

Their mother was a beautiful half-breed. She was part Wookie and part Sasquatch. She was larger than my brother because Sasquatch tend to be slightly more endowed, I mean taller.

Unfortunately we lost her in a snowball fight that got out of hand 3 years ago. I guess sticking a half stick of dynamite in the snowball so it would splatter all over her was a very bad idea. We never did find her bottom jaw, left ear, 3 toes and a nipple ring Abner got for their 20th anniversary. He's such a cheap skate.

Abner has 2 sets of twins.

The oldest by 3 minutes is Hank aka Horney Hank. He's a computer geek and has a foot fetish. He also is an award-winning porn watcher. 5 year champion. We are so proud.

Oliver...all over her...get it?!? Aka Ollie. He is Hank's twin brother. He's the bread-winner of the family. He completely supports all of us. Ollie is the best damn gigolo you'd ever want to meet. (He gives a discount if you use his dad's uber service.) Oliver has some very well-known clients that just happen to be...oops, not allowed to say.

Then we have Abner's other twin sons Otis and Linus. They were born conjoined at the penis. Unfortunately Linus aka Lucky Linus got the better deal from the surgery. Let's just say that he's literally hung like a horse. Too bad he's not a very good driver. He recently had his truck booted for unpaid parking tickets. He's trying to make some extra money by prostituting himself at the local truck stop. But that's really not going very well because you see he's so large that women scream in fear when they see his member. So he's now trying to convince Ollie to pay for a penis reduction so he can finally lose his virginity. Poor boy. He's so screwed up that he's been wearing women's super extra large underwear because they help hold his package in better. Did I forget to mention that he's also bisexual?

Then we have Otis aka Mr. GRUMPY. Linus twin brother separated at birth. He's been grumpy since the day after the separation surgery. 7 inches isn't that awful for a Wookie. But it's definitely not average. Then a year ago he had a very bad car accident with his date for the evening. They were having sex while driving and hit a utility pole. That broke Grumpys penis. He had to have 5 inches removed because it was starting to rot. Now poor Otis has a 2 inch penis and is grumpier than ever. He also pees when he sneezes. Did I mention that he also has a hair lip?

Tomorrow I'll tell you all about my children.

To be continued ...

Triplets 

Pixie Poo

Kandi Cane

 Kinky Trixie

Beefcake Angus 

Spike aka splinter (because he is sexually attracted to trees) 

Otis aka Mr. Grumpy is the twin brother of Linus.

Abner, Rocky- Rock hard brainiac big balls 

Horney Hank, is twins with 
Oliver...all over her...get it?!?! 

Lucky Linus. Was born siamese twins and attached at the penis with Otis aka Mr. Grumpy 

Egbert and Eunice